Giving Up

I feel like my relationship with Gordy is pretty much over.  I’m so tired of him having his little second family with another girl from his old work. If I met some guy from work, and started hanging out with his family he would be soo mad! But he just says it’s no different than if it was a guys family. See, he was a whore before me and I haven’t completly gotten over that fact. And I keep having all these feelings that he’s not being truthful. I don’t know if I’m being paranoid, or if it is a gut feeling because of how secretive and shady he’ll act sometimes. I basically said that I would move into this place because I am paying it all anyhow besides 325, and he can just get his own place! but I don’t know.. Ugh!

And school, since I had the miscarriage, I’ve barely been doing anything. It’s like I have no motivation to do it now. I complained to Gordy and he said do it for yourself if anything …. and yes… I said I would do that..But the math is so hard and I hate poetry. I’m just giving up it seems… I have to switch from my course in math to the easy stupid math because I can’t do math through correspondence.. it’s to hard.. So I’ll have to take upgrading math classes in college. I hate poetry because these poems make no sense! It’s stupid! I don’t need to learn about poem. Ugh! I’m having a bad day in general.

I don’t have a job still because the nanny thing was a scam, I have to give job references to the future landlord tomorrow and I have none besides Gordy’s.. UGHH!!!!

Finally – A Home!

Well, bad news, and then good news!

Gordy and I went to look at a basement suite last night and it was awesome! It wasn’t that huge, but the suite allows pets, and is big enough for our stuff to actually fit. It definitely helped to see furniture in the suite that was similar to ours so we had an idea.

We’re meeting with landlord on Monday to meet his wife, give him job references, and damage deposit and pet deposit! Yay! I’m so excited!

Work

Okay I returned a bunch of stuff that I bought from work to get a gift card. Now the gift cards that I received totalled about 650$. I didn’t return that much stuff. But I received a couple gift cards from  a women (supervisor) at work about a week or two ago. She left end of last week. Now two days ago, I went and bought myself a Nintendo DS and a PS3 for my boyfriend.

This morning at work, the girl next to me left to do some tidying of the store. She was gone for like 20 minutes. I had nobody to talk to, and no customers. I kept walking back and forth. Now I saw a gift card on the floor, picked it up and was closest to her till. I realized she was still signed on, so I looked to see how much was on the gift card. 80$. Now instead of putting it on the cash register, and having someone take it or something. I kept it so I could give it to my supervisor later on. Well they caught all of this on camera, now it didn’t look good.

I saw the girl coming  back, and was like finally..someone to talk to … but she was with the manager, and another supervisor. So I was like err okay.. whatever… then all of a sudden.. this other women comes up to my till and is like my name is … … … I’m with the …. fraud … and showed me her badge, hand me the gift card you just loaded with money. I was like excuse me!? I didn’t load any giftcard. I freaked out, so I hesitated. Then I gave her the giftcard that I found and was going to be giving my supervisor anyhow.

So basically, the gift cards that I spent were fraudulently purchased.  The person would scan the gift card for 400$, and then push the tender as cash so the cash register thinks it’s getting that money but there is no money at the end of the day.  I did about 250$ in returns of baby stuff (it wasn’t on sale anymore) without my receipt, so they are convinced that I also stole those and then returned them for money. I was terminated, and I have a court hearing in March. This is just wonderful!

I called Gordy right away when I got home, and started crying. So he came over like within 10 minutes and I told him all that happened. He has a huge criminal record himself and was trying to calm me down. I’m calling his lawyer in the morning to talk to him and see what I can do.  But my life is pretty much over now, unless I get proven innocent somehow.

Freakin Nintendo DS!

So, I realized that I had 486$ on my credit card..and I decided that we could just use that for groceries and everything. So I had 3 gift cards, 190$, 200$, and then something else… Just stuff that I returned… Well.. I decided to get myself a Nintendo DS and two games, zelda and fashion designer. Then, I got Gordy playstation 3… He freaked and flipped out. I also got these really pretty flowers from Gordy. Ahh! I blushed soo hard lol, he brought them to me at 1:20 and I was off at 1:30… came in my line up, and I didn’t notice him because it was extremly extremly busy. He put them on the till and I looked at them looked at him and went “AWWW!” and went so red lol. The customers in the line up were all laughing and saying how sweet!

A movie, picking the nintendo DS without me looking, and flowers…yeah super nice… It wasn’t even my money on the gift cards, soo who cares that I spent like 600$ lol.

Over Her Dead Body

Last night after work, Gordy took me to see Over Her Dead Body to try to put me in a better mood. The movie was totally cute, and parts of it were funny. He tried to cancel with me and take me to a hockey game instead. But no way, I don’t want to be around a bunch of screaming people when I’m really upset. That does not sound like fun to me. I’d just sit there, being bored. I managed to stay a full shift yesterday, in like a week I think. I only got like 160-180$ on my paycheck because of that.

I’m still calling places for March and still no luck but I only started looking yesterday.

Okay… so interesting story, and Gordy talked me into it.. because that means he gets something.. Ugh! If he gets something, he don’t care what I want to do.. But whatever.

I returned all the baby clothes I bought and I was being to quiet and forgot to say I bought them all on sale. So they all got returned in as the regular price, so I had 218$ back on a gift card. I spent some money so now there is 190$ on a gift card. I have another 400$ gift card.. This is all for Zellers, The Bay, Home Outfitters… I made a HUUUUUUUGE mistake in telling Gordy about these cards. So what did he suggest…that we go on a huge shopping spree in electronics and shit…. So we’re doing that today. Now I said we could just do it with the 190 gift card because I really wanted to save the 400$ for the place, and groceries and cleaning stuff … ..

Errr..

I also wanted to see if I could put any of the gift card money onto my credit card. I don’t think I can do that, but it would be nice… But whatever. I’m going to try to spend only 200$. He was convinced we were buying a PS3.. Oh yeah, spend all the money on you and I get shit?! Screw off idiot. I want a season of Lost, a couple DVD’s, and maybe a necklace.

He said we could just use the 400$ gift card and then have the 190$ for groceries and shit… Yeah that would be nice, but I think I’m going to spend 300$ max… That way there is 290$ for groceries and shit, and we’re both getting what we want!

I have the worst hiccups ever!

..//<3

Well, now more than ever I’m so glad I made this blog. I’m going to need it when I need to vent now.

I went to the hospital last night around 630 because I was bleeding really heavily and I’ve never had contractions but I would say that my cramps were as bad as contractions. Ugh! so painful! I took two tylenol was not helping..laying down wasn’t helping anymore, and I tried going in the bath.. it was still painful. I waited until about 8 to go into room. I was seen by a nurse and she just asked me a lot of questions because I said when I went in that I had been in here almost 5 times with no help really. So I was happy that I had a good nurse for once, who took the time to ask me A LOT of questions. Finally the doctor came in, and said my vitals were all healthy, he felt my stomach to see where it was hurting.

Warning: TMI coming up now!

What would be my miracle..

On December 30th (I think) I found out I was pregnant at work. I remember taking the test at work because I was stressed out and I just wanted to see for sure that I wasn’t pregnant. Two lines showed up and I was shocked. I was working in the cosmetics department that day and I started pacing back and forth. I had no idea what to do. The first thing I did when I got home, was post on rebelmb , that I was pregnant…. I told my boyfriend and for our first New Years, we stayed in watching movies and drinking sparkling apple juice.

I went to the doctors on the 10th I believe and he tested my HCG levels. Even though my LMP was Nov 14th/07, I was showing 6 weeks pregnant. Early the next week, I had cramping and spotting so I went to the hospital. I was there for awhile, and they did an exam only to find I had a UTI. I was prescribed antibiotics and sent home. 2 or 3 days later, I was back in the hospital. I had another exam and they could see some bleeding. I then had an ultrasound, baby was showing up 5 weeks with no heart beat…

The past two weeks, I’ve been having bleeding and cramping off and on. I went to the hospital again on the 28th at 7 pm, and I didn’t leave until 2 in the morning. I didn’t even have an exam this time, the doctor tried doing an ultrasound and wasn’t able to get a clear picture. They tested my HCG levels and he said it was all normal. So yesterday I had another ultrasound, and I couldn’t hear a heart beat but I wasn’t able to see the picture or get any pictures. Now I’m just waiting on my doctor to call.

Although Gordy and I aren’t ready for this baby at all, we could make it. I was re-prioritizing my life, and making sure that things I did would work for my baby.

If I do lose this baby, it will be hard to accept it and move on. But I will, and from now on I’m making better healthy eating choices, taking a prenatal every day, and exercising more so that when I do have children and if another surprise bean happens, my body will be healthy enough to have a healthy pregnancy and maybe lower my chance of miscarriage.

Serenity Rose

It’s 2008 and I keep making resolution after resolution the past few years and never keeping them. Most of them were to lose 10 or 15 lbs or something superficial like that. For once, my resolutions weren’t made. I have goals in mind. I’ve always wanted to create my own website, I don’t really have knowledge of html or css or any of those codes… so free word press blog will work for me! My goal is to post here on a daily basis. I have more posts to make to get out, and some pages to add. But here’s to 2008 with a new personal blog!